Hey everybody! Yes, I'm still here. I haven't felt much like posting lately. I've been down in the dumps and stressing over things I can't change. Because, you know, stressing about them totally helps. Yeah, right.
But God slapped me with this verse this morning, and I've decided, I'm not going to let Satan defeat me. Check out Proverbs 9:10, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding."
See, I can't rest in my own understanding. I must fear the Lord. I must trust that He is the almighty God, and that He will take care of every situation. Even the ones I get myself into.
As I have heard many times over the last few weeks, I know that God has forgiven me, and I must forgive myself. I think part of having knowledge of holy things is in knowing that I must ask forgiveness, but another part is knowing that I can't just pick that guilt up and carry it over and over again. I must trust that God has forgiven me, and that is enough.
I'm probably babbling on and on here, and I must be a bit vague. But here's the gist of it. Sometimes I feel that God allows us to bear the consequences of our sins. I'm in that place right now (though I love Alaena with all that I am.) And then I think that at the same time, Satan tries to throw other things at you and make you think that those things are consequences of your sin in order to keep you from fully resting in God's forgiveness (I'm dealing with some of that as well, though I don't really feel I should share the whole of those details here.)
But today, I'm going to learn from this verse. I'm going to fear God, not Satan. God has given me all the armor I need to be able to stand against the wiles of the Devil. (Ephesians 6:11) And I will no longer allow him to keep me defeated. I'm a forgiven child of the King, and my time of ministry is NOT over. In God's strength I am able to raise this child on my own. And through Christ, I am claiming the victory in this battle.
I ask that each of you will offer up a prayer for me and Alaena today. I am sure that Satan will continue to fight, but I'm going to rest in God's wisdom, and I will NOT allow him to conquer us.