It's So Easy On Paper...Or A Computer Screen As the Case May Be
Before I get to today's thoughts, I must give props to Goofy Girl who is responsible for my new design look. If you want a new look, check her out. She doesn't even ask for credit. But believe me, if I tried to design a blog, it would look so totally bad, so the credit for this one all goes to Goofy Girl!
Now to today's thoughts. I'm going to make a confession. Last night I totally let my flesh get the best of me. I was a TOTAL brat to be around.
Let me explain. Last week I started feeling kind of yuck because the weather here is changing a bit. So my sinuses reacted. I now have a bad sinus infection. The "I Can't Breathe, I Can't Sleep, I Don't Want To Do Anything" kind of sinus infection. The "I Can't Sleep" part has put me on edge because I've had to work all week (thank God I get off at 12 today.)
However, the fact that I haven't been able to sleep is totally NOT my brother's fault, and I totally had no right to jump down his case last night. I got worried because I thought he was supposed to have been home, and when I get worried, I get angry. I know it's a wierd response, but when I worry I start to think of all the things that the person I'm worried about could have done to keep me from worrying, so by the time said person shows up, I blow up and say, "Where have you been? Why didn't you have your cell phone? You are SO INCONSIDERATE."
Obviously this doesn't make the person I've been worried about (in last night's case my brother) very happy, so they become angry.
On paper it's so easy to see how stupid my reactions were. And of course hind-sight is 20/20. I was so wrong, and after it was all over (okay, kind of in the middle of everything when I was being stubborn and ill) verses were running through my head telling me how I should have handled the situation and how I could have avoided it to begin with.
Number one, it was wrong of me to worry, honestly he wasn't really that late at all if at all. I was just tired and cranky. The Bible is really clear about Christians worrying.
Take a look at Phillipians 4:6, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."
That word "careful" means "anxious."(KJV) In fact the Revised Standard Version states it just that way, "Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."
So, my first problem was that I let my anxiety control me. I should have prayed about it. I SHOULD have handed it over to God when the first worry pangs showed up. I didn't. I let them build, and I became angry.
The second problem was the way that I handled my anger. I didn't go to Ben in love. I attacked him the second he came through the door. The Bible tells us about this too. Ephesians 4:15 says this, "But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:"
I should have asked Ben in a loving way. I should have calmly stated that I had been a little (OKAY A LOT, I'm medicated, tired and emotional) worried.
There are a ton of other things that I could have done to have avoided the situation. The thing is that it's so easy to read the words on paper or type them onto a computer screen. Living them is a daily struggle. One we should strive to win. Believe me, I should have listened to the Holy Spirit the first time he nudged me with a verse last night.
Things are worked out with my brother now. My family has a rule not to go to bed angry (that's from the Bible too, Ephesians 4:26.) But I went to bed much later than I planned, and the arguing did nothing to make me feel better (yelling+sinus infection=feeling even crummier) And the whole situation COULD have been avoided.
I can't change the past, I know that. I've asked God's forgiveness and my brother's forgiveness, and I have it. But I'm going to use this as a learning experience. The next time I worry, I'm going to get out my Bible and look at some verses rather than pick my brother (or whoever I'm worrying about) apart bit by bit!
Have a great weekend guys! And if you think of it, say a prayer for me and my family tomorrow morning as we travel up to GiBee's! And if you'd pray that this sinus infection would go away, I'd appreciate it too!